In chapter nine of "Ivan Ilych", Ivan finally realizes that all hope for recovery is lost. After dismissing his aid Gerasim, Ivan weeps in self-pity and begins his unusual "prayer". It appears that he is looking to God for answers for his suffering, but in reality, Ivan is trying to find peace with his tormented soul.
Ivan begins his prayer not by asking for help, but by demanding why he has been plagued by pain. He questions God, "Why hast Thou done all this? Why hast Thou brought me here? Why, why dost Thou torment me so terribly?" Ivan believes he has entered a stage in which he believes that he is being punished for his sins. He believes his pains are no longer from natural causes. His illness is no longer just a physical one, but also an emotional and mental ailment that constantly runs him down.
As Ivan continues with his prayer he shifts away from accusing God and begins to search for an answer within himself. His soul searching begins when he asks, "What is it you want?" All Ivan can answer is that he wishes his life was simple and pleasant, as it was in the old days. Ivan thinks back on his childhood and school days as his happiest memories. Now that he has absorbed himself so deeply in his job and in keeping up with society’s demands, he has lost touch with his family and his old, happy life. He beings to realize his present life is worthless and trivial, and that he has forgotten about all the joys in his life. Ivan can no longer find any lightheartedness, friendship, or hope in his life. Ever since he became consumed in his work, he has lost touch with what used to matter most to him. As his career progressed, he notices that he no longer had time for any happy memories. Ivan realizes that, "It is as if I had been going downhill while I imagined I was going up. I was going up in public opinion, but to the same extent life was ebbing away from me." Ivan comes to the terrible conclusion that his whole life had been a waste. The thought that "maybe I did not live as I ought to have done" suddenly occurs to him. However, Ivan dismisses his bizarre idea, since he is sure that the purpose of life is too succeed and that he had done everything properly. He had done everything according to what society deemed was right. Again, Ivan’s mind has trumped his soul. Although Ivan tries to convince himself that he has lived a good life, his soul is trying to tell him otherwise. (450)
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W--I think you're right when you say "once again his mind had trumped his soul" (and yes, I notice the metaphor drawn from Ilych's favorite activity, card-playing). But even though his soul loses this argument, the passage feels like an important one, if only because it's the first time he's even realized that that other voice is there. He's not ready to answer its questions openly yet, but once the first step is taken, he's never able to turn back and forget that the voice is there. I think it's kind of a cool device to use as a way to get him started thinking.
PS-what year is your stang? Jonny's Camaro is, what, a 67? Is yours a year older than his or the same age? (I think both of those cars were made when I was in high school)
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